Yesterday I announced to you all our news that we are expecting two new additions to our family. We have had nearly a full week now to let the news sink in but I did a little writing when I came back from the scan just to get some things off my chest. So much has changed already in a week and I'll do another post about my type of twins and how my feelings have changed over the week. Since I wrote this I've learnt a lot more (but still not enough) and there have been tears and laughter but I thought I'd put this in, just as I wrote it after the adrenaline had worn off:
I've decided to handwrite some of my thoughts as I am too shocked to even move to the computer. Today we found out we are expecting identical twins and other than shock my first thought was happiness but now I'm sitting at home, James has gone back to work and I'm terrified. For every good thought I think I have several that panic me; I'll have a moment of glee and a moment of anxiety that takes my breath away. I look round our tiny house and think of the most stupidest things, like all the extra washing. Then I look at the scan pictures and I think of two babies, two identical babies, two little bundles to make us into a family of five; what I have always wanted! I look and Lucas and think he won't know what has hit him and his little world will be turned upside down.
The funny thing was I was feeling so confident in this pregnancy; confident that I had found my feet as a mum and trusting my body to do what it has to do. Now, I feel like I've had the rug pulled from under me; I feel so unprepared and I know nothing about twins. I have quickly learnt that my amount of appointments has quadrupled but my head is a whirlwind I have so many questions. I still think of the littlest things, as if my brain thinks obviously you will will be worried about health, money, space, transport but then I think what if we mix the babies up!
More importantly the scan showed both babies are doing well, looking healthy and I know they will be incredibly loved. I will always worry but nothing could wipe the smile from my face when I see my two scan pictures; I think it's pretty incredible.